Why do women pretend about love?

There are divergent views as to why women pretend even when they love a man. A university student, Patricia Agha told our reporter that she also pretends when she is in love with a man even when she loves the man more than he does. She said the reason for pretending is for her to […]

There are divergent views as to why women pretend even when they love a man. A university student, Patricia Agha told our reporter that she also pretends when she is in love with a man even when she loves the man more than he does. She said the reason for pretending is for her to be respected by her male partner and regarded as a lady of high moral virtue, integrity and propriety.
She said that most men have no respect and regard for women especially when they already have canal knowledge of them (women) stressing that it is not good enough for any lady to express her level of love for a man to the extent of becoming “valueless.”
“It is very simple. I pretend because I want to maintain my integrity as a woman so that my boy friend will not look down on me, malign or disparage me because many guys think that girls are just mere objects that can be slept with and this is wrong.
“On campus, many things happen. Some guys think they can just use any girl and dump may be because they have money or they are brilliant but to me, all is rubbish because as far as I am concerned, falling in love with any man is solely my decision. So I used to resist and of course, pretend until I am satisfied with their so-called loves,” he said.
Patricia stated emphatically that if a man gets to know that a lady deeply loves him, he is bound to start disrespecting and abdicating some of the responsibilities he is expected to discharge to her.
But Amina Ayatu has a different view as regards the issue insisting that lovers should demonstrate in lucid terms without reservation the true state of love between them. She said not showing a partner that you love him could lead to negative results in the long-run stressing that love should not be a “hidden mind but an open mind.”
Amina said that she believes in telling the truth and that only the truth can open up the heart of a man to know that there is true love which according to her is not bad but good for the survival of any relationship.
She admitted that she lost a successful young man who was caring and determined to “go deep” with her at the age of 19 when she used to pretend for the guy not to know that she loved him. She said she loved the guy inside of her but hardly showed him such love until he eventually fell into the fold of another girl who “overdramatized” her love for him.
“It is good for women to pretend to some extent so as not to be called whores but I feel that if you know who you are in life and what you want in life, trust your judgement and God, you will never go wrong. There is really no need to pretend. I never say ladies should throw themselves at any man, they should be careful, they should not play rough games because games can play them someday,” she added.
Similarly, Mrumun, a trader in Abuja, maintained that, “you can’t expect a woman to throw herself on a guy just because he promised to take care of her. You have to pretend until you know how serious he is.”
She said that a man would show interest but a lady would take much time pretending even though she is dying inside of her because they don’t want to look cheap in the faces of men. This according to her is necessitated by the dubious, ambivalent, lackadaisical and carefree attitude of some young men who feel that most girls are desperate and could be taken cheaply.     
However, a secondary school teacher in Keffi who craved anonymity said it is better for those in love to understand the extent to which they love each other in order to circumvent various temptations that may arise in the process of the relationship stressing that mutual understanding is key to achieving a strong and functional relationship.
He said most ladies  pretend even if they seriously love their partner because they want to test the level of love, patience, maturity and understanding of the person so as not to fall into the wrong hands.
“As for me, there is no need pretending. Show me love and let me show you love. I can only go for a girl that show me that she loves me because I personally don’t pretend if I love a girl.” he said.
Another respondent, Lawal said women are bound to pretend considering the fact that love – platonic and erotic- is an intimate relationship that has to do with time and care. He said the essence of pretending is to motivate the man to demonstrate his real character or show his true colour for her to be able to assess his worthiness and reliability.
“Most women are found of doing that, it’s natural; it’s acceptable; it’s normal. Some men also pretend so that the woman should know that they are important, so it is all about love,” he said.
Lawal said naturally, women ought to pretend for them to remain relevant and important in the relationship stressing that women who swiftly “surrender their virtues” are not being regarded as decent and disciplined women.