Why do women suffer marital delay?

A lady who is matured enough to go into marriage but does not have the opportunity suffers psychological trauma, reproach, loss of sense of belonging, desperation,  pains and mockery. She is not being regarded as someone who has integrity and respect as many view her from the perspective of being grossly irresponsible.Unfortunately, many girls in […]

A lady who is matured enough to go into marriage but does not have the opportunity suffers psychological trauma, reproach, loss of sense of belonging, desperation,  pains and mockery. She is not being regarded as someone who has integrity and respect as many view her from the perspective of being grossly irresponsible.
Unfortunately, many girls in our country today are victims of this delay; while some have deliberately decided not to go into marriage until they achieve certain things in life most ladies have become victims of marital delay due to forces beyond their control.
Senior Pastor of the Refiner’s Church, Birnin Kebbi, Pastor Paul S. Joshua said parental punishment, possession by evil spirits, prostitution and pride are some of the causes of marital delay. He said if the father of a girl had deceived and disappointed many girls during his youthful age about marriage, God would make his daughters to suffer marital delay for him to also suffer the pains when his daughters are matured enough to marry.
He said if a lady is possessed with evil spirits like spiritual husband  or “spiritual concubine” she would find it extremely cumbersome to get married as the spiritual husband  is jealous and can even kill anyone attempting to marry the girl, disclosing that many girls have already given birth to many children spiritually but are physically yet unmarried.
 “Sometimes a lady would sleep and the spirit concubine would come in the dream, feed her and start sleeping with her. They will do everything possible to make sure that she doesn’t get married only for them to be sleeping with her in the dream and this can cause marital delay,” he said.
 He said prostitution is also an obstacle to timely marriage arguing that when a lady is over used by different men under the umbrella of pre-marital sex she losses her value and looks old, adding that God is no longer involved in her marital affairs because she has already slept with different men.
 He said pride has also left many women unmarried as they refuse to accept the will of God over their lives. He advised such ladies who claim to be more than every man that comes their way to have a rethink as they may be disappointed and regret later.
 Pastor Joshua submitted that unmarried ladies should not be so much concerned about the material possessions of the man they want to marry but should seek for God’s face, advising that they should also view men from the potential point of view and not only from the material point of view.
 However, Hajiya Salamatu Aliyu, a secondary school teacher said marital delay is also caused by women themselves who have some qualities they expect to see in a particular man before delving into marriage and this  could continue to delay her marriage as it may not be easy for her to get exactly what she expects.   
 “If a girl is thinking too big, sometimes she will have the problem of getting married on time. It is good for girls to be humble and continue praying to Almighty Allah so that they can get married at the right time,” she said.
  Hajiya Salamatu disclosed that cultural influence or norms can also cause marital delay stating that if a girl is instructed not to marry from another tribe, she may find it difficult to get married on time.
 Sunday Asongu, an Engineer in one of the construction companies in Abuja said having a disease is one of the major causes of marital delay.  Asongu argued that a lady who has certain kinds of diseases cannot get married on time as she is bound to continue moving from one place to another with the hope that her problem would be solved one day.   
 “Disease is a bad thing that doesn’t allow some people to get married on time. When you have some diseases, you won’t even think of marriage, in fact, you won’t even think that marriage exist,” he said.
 He said marriage could also be delayed if a lady has a bad attitude towards people.  According to him, the attitude of a lady determines to a large extent how, where and when she could get married.
 Asongu said women who have bad attitude or lack good manners are bound to have unstable relationships and can suffer marital delay, stressing that the degree of commitment decency, propriety and self discipline determines the fate of a lady going into marriage at the right time.
But Nola K. Mokeyane identified personal freedom and career focus as some of the reasons for marital delay. He said some ladies naturally do not like going into marriage at the right time but prefer to be independent in order to enable them do things freely without any control from anyone.
 “Some women choose to delay marriage so they can travel, focus on personal interests or postpone having children and the responsibilities that come with having a spouse and raising a family.
“Women who choose to marry later in life may use the time of personal freedom to work on emotional or psychological healing from past hurts – trying to resolve certain issues before committing to marriage,” he said.
 He also argued that another reason for women choosing to delay marriage is so that they can focus on obtaining higher education and attaining career objectives, adding that some women prefer to establish financial security before settling down with a partner.
A young man, Jiddah Usman, who is a university undergraduate, said the past and present deeds of parents also determines to a large extent how timely a girl would marry, stressing that some ladies are suffering marital delay either because they have been cursed by their parents or because their parents jealously stopped another person’s daughter from getting married on time.
“Some parents are very jealous and greedy so they can do everything diabolically to make sure that their brother, sister or relation does not progress. They can even do anything to stop the daughter of their relation from getting married on time. When their daughter gets matured, she will now suffer marital delay,” he said.   
 He said the act where parents do not allow their daughters to make their own choice of a husband is also a stumbling block that makes some ladies delay for a long time before going into marriage.
According to a graduate of Psychology who prefers to be simply called Young Psychologist, marriage is delayed when a woman decides to live under the same roof with her partner for a long time without being married.
 He said some women engage in cohabitation with men to pool resources, tentatively test marriage compatibilities or with the presumption that cohabitation is a step towards marriage. But unfortunately, this in most cases, he said have failed to yield fruitful results making especially a lady to suffer marital delay.
 Marital delay gives both the lady and her parents sleepless nights, therefore, it is advisable to be meticulous in the way and manner people delve into certain aspects of life as such could land them into this trouble.