Why mothers should not always side with their children

Some parents are fond of supporting their children’s version of events believing it is their duty because they gave birth to them or to prove their emotional bond.Fathers are also guilty of this act but it is more common with mothers. While such mothers think they are being protective or showing the depth of their […]

Some parents are fond of supporting their children’s version of events believing it is their duty because they gave birth to them or to prove their emotional bond.
Fathers are also guilty of this act but it is more common with mothers. While such mothers think they are being protective or showing the depth of their love to their children, they unknowingly end up raising delinquents and criminals into the society.
Such children lack values and engage in vices without seeing anything wrong because their mother’s support from childhood had already imbedded in their psyche that what they are doing is right and they can keep doing it.
Children can grow to be stubborn and rebellious as a result of being supported by their parents when wrong.  They don’t have respect for their elders because their mothers have even supported them against elderly people.
A child for instance could insult a neigbour and tell the mother it is the other way round. When his mother believes him, the same child will continue to insult that neigbour and others and will always lie to his mum because he knows she will always support him.
Several households have been engulfed in crises because of conflicts arising from mothers supporting their children.  Some women have become re-knowned trouble makers in their neighbourhoods because of this attitude. Once their children come to tell them ‘so and so woman’s child beat me ‘, they will go and beat up the child or fight the parents of the child.
There are those who still support their children in the face of glaring evidence against them;  all that is needed  is a denial from the child.
They also believe outright their children’s version when they come home with bad grades. They believe teachers or the school are responsible once their children tell them they read well .  
They simply believe statements like “ that lecturer gave me carry-over in my course because he is a wicked man, he dislikes me or doesn’t like my face,” or ‘the teacher failed me for nothing’.
Such is all the proof they need to go and warn the teacher, ask him to be transferred to another class if they are in a position to influence that or even ask for the teacher’s sack.
Some other hands will change their children’s school and even when such a child fails there, they will still blame the teachers.
According to Hajiya Jamila Garuba, a business woman some mothers know their children are bad or commit such offences but pretend and support them. “Someone with good intention may see their son smoking and tell them but they will say ‘no my son doesn’t smoke’ or they will respond ‘what if he smokes, is he the only one?
“Because of this when neighbors or relatives see such children doing negative things, they would not report because the mothers will support them. This is bad because they are not helping their children but destroying them,” she said.
Chima Okoro, another respondent advised parents to desist from the attitude because it can make their children instigate conflicts between them and other people.
He said: “It is your duty as a parent to probe whatever report your child makes to you. And with an open mind to avoid unnecessary conflicts. No one wants to see his or her child abused but first handle it with maturity.”
He advised parents not to flare up when their child makes a report to them. “If you are calm, you will see where your child went wrong,” he said.
 Benjamin Danladi, an estate agent said always supporting your children’s version of events is being overprotective.  “The child will not remain with you forever. When he or she grows into adulthood and becomes independent, people will look at him or her as a deviant because as a parent you failed to teach him or her right from wrong, and the tenets of communal living.
“Somebody tells you your child tells lies you say no my child doesn’t tell lies. Whatever he or she is doing wrong, he will grow up doing it thinking he is doing the right thing saying ‘after all my mother always support me.”
Maryanne Okafor, a journalist said it is not right for mothers to support their children because it will make the child to cause further harm. She recalled the story of a woman who people repeatedly told her son engages in robberies but always refutes it and called them names.  “It was when the Bakassi group came to Anambra State that her son confessed and then it was too late because he was killed after the confession.”
She said however mothers should not always form the habit of shouting on their children or believing people who report their children to them because it affects their confidence.
 “I remember then when people complain to my mum about me, she always shouts on me whether they were telling the truth or not and even punishes me. I began to lose confidence as a result of that until she stopped it and started making efforts to investigate the truth.
“So I advise that if a child should come to the mother for instance and say aunty beat me, the mother should ask her what she did, then also go to the aunty and other people around to investigate. The women a should not outrightly support the child when he or she says “I didn’t do anything because many children often do that,” she advised.