Why parents shouldn’t always rejoice after marrying off their children

They may also be dreaming of this august occasion and probably when it eventually comes, they will celebrate it with pomp, believing that the work is over.But for parents that have gone through the rigors of marrying off their children, the story is different because of unfolding events after the marriage. Many parents that married […]

They may also be dreaming of this august occasion and probably when it eventually comes, they will celebrate it with pomp, believing that the work is over.
But for parents that have gone through the rigors of marrying off their children, the story is different because of unfolding events after the marriage. Many parents that married off their children have come to understand that the assumption was just a delusion as disclosed by Malama Maryam Muhammad.
Maryam who is a mother of five said when she was living with two of her daughters before their marriage, her only dream was to see them all married so that she could get respite from the rigors of bringing up children, “But to my greatest dismay I realized that when they were in my home my problem was minimal compared to now that they are all married. With one living in Lagos and another in Abuja, the sad stories I’m hearing from them is just making me distressed,” Maryam lamented.
She said because the two girls were unlucky to have husbands that care less about their families, it is always one complain after the other and since she is living far away from all of them, they have only contributed in giving her high blood pressure.
 “My heart will just go off if I see their calls because of the fear of what they will tell me,” she added.
It has been realized that parents who are unlucky to have in-laws that are irresponsible suffer undue sadness because of the condition of their children. The problem is affecting mostly parents that married off their daughters rather than the male children. This is because in most cases, women interact freely with their female children and because of this intimacy; the children tend to keep their mothers abreast of happenings in their matrimonial homes, not knowing that what they are doing is causing great harm to their mothers.
A mother of four, Hajia Sadiya Abdullahi disclosed how her son in-law nearly made her get stroke because of too much complaints against her daughter who is his wife. “On a flimsy excuse he would rush to us to complain about his wife. In fact at a point I was almost getting a stroke because of his complaints. I regretted giving out my daughter. I was just wondering that  from birth till they got married, there was never a day that I experience what I’m experiencing now that they are married,” she said.
According to her, mothers should know early enough that marrying off their children is not always a relief from parenting, but rather a beginning of a more troublesome life, “Unless one is lucky to have  good sons in-law that are taking care of one’s daughters very well, marrying them off is indeed the beginning of a most difficult aspect of parenting. And it becomes worse if one’s daughter is finally sent back home with children. That is hell for the parent and most especially for the mother.”
She added that many parents are living in pain because of the condition of their children in their matrimonial homes, saying the trend has become phenomenal because whenever mothers meet, the topic is the condition of their daughters in their matrimonial homes.
She said parents of female children suffer more because it is not always in the nature of the male child to report his matrimonial problem to his parents, “The problem of the male child is if the mother decides to involve herself in his house affairs, if not their problem is less.”
Atika Abdullahi narrating her experience told our correspondent that when her daughter got married, she was looking blossomed and attractive but now she has become so emaciated and weak because of matrimonial problems.
“ I tried hard to assist so that she could stay in her house with her children but all my effort was abortive because at last the husband just ran away and left her with their five children. In short now she has come back to me with the children and the fact that her father is late, taking care of the whole lots of them is indeed a herculean task,” she observed.
According to her since her daughter left for her matrimonial home, neither she nor the daughter got peace of mind, “It is always one problem after another and I just realized that tackling a daughter’s matrimonial problem is more difficult than training her as a child.Thus I’m advising parents, and most especially mothers, to pray hard so that their daughters could get a peaceful and joyful marital life.”
A father of nine, Malam Abdullahi Shuaibu collaborated what the other women said, noting that parents that married off their daughters these days suffer pains more than the parents of the male children.
He observed that due to the deteriorating condition of marriages nowadays, parents are paying dearly for giving their daughters to some men, “If a parent is unlucky to have a son in-law that is irresponsible, the end results is pain and sorrow because the girl will be coming home always with one complain or the other. Many men are ungrateful these days and that is why marriages are not lasting as long as they used to, unlike with our parents in the past,” he opined.
He therefore advised the wives to be exercising patience and stop reporting every bit of problem to their parents because such reports would only hurt their parents the more.