Why should you stay in an unhappy relationship?

There are a lot of people who remain in lengthy yet unhappy relationships because they are afraid. They may have the fear of being single parents, and breadwinners, dread paying child support allowance and seeing their assets divided. Often, spouses fear feeling shamed for leaving a “failed” marriage. Some even worry their spouse may harm […]

There are a lot of people who remain in lengthy yet unhappy relationships because they are afraid. They may have the fear of being single parents, and breadwinners, dread paying child support allowance and seeing their assets divided. Often, spouses fear feeling shamed for leaving a “failed” marriage. Some even worry their spouse may harm him or herself. Battered women may stay out of fear of retaliation. Most people tell themselves ‘the grass isn’t any greener,’others believe they are too old to find love again and imagine nightmarish online dating scenarios. Also, some cultures still stigmatise divorce.
For them, the decision to leave a partner, even when the relationship is an unhappy one, is a difficult and painful process to accomplish.Several people stay in unhappy relationships which could range from being empty to abusive, for many reasons. They may also remain for reasons such as financial benefits, children, sympathy and maintaining family ties, among others.As time goes by, the relationship could gradually dissolve into a business arrangement.
This lack of courage to quit an unfulfilling relationship could lead them to more serious mistakes like entering the wrong marriage.
There are some others who would not jeopardise their happiness and peace of mind for the sake of being in a relationship, as was reported by Nigerian media most of last week.
Different media platforms were agog with the story of a 14-year-old bride in Kano who killed her husband. “She smeared rat poison on her groom’s food because she was forced to marry him,” the reports said.
Regardless of the reasons that keep people trapped in a relationship, realistic or not, Mr. Jaiyeoba Olubowale, says: “there are more intense and unconscious reasons which keep people stuck in a relationship. My experience was fear of separation and loneliness, though we had gradually grown apart.”
Sharing his experience further, he added that: “Over time I began to realise we didn’t develop individual activities nor had separate friends, because I was particularly scared those would be distractions from me and would replace me in her life.
“Ordinarily, as women you may confide in your friends, sisters or parents, whilst we men focus on work, and in many cases, unconsciously disregard our emotional needs and rely exclusively on their wife for support.”
Olubowale, who is now single, said: “But I didn’t encourage it though I knew the importance of our developing individual interests.”
According to Mrs .Amira Sule, there should be no compromise when it comes to your happiness. “Sadly, society isn’t kind to women who are single or divorced. But I ask why I should continue in a sad relationship until it pushes me to such a dastardly act. I know what it feels like to wake up day and night feeling miserable. It affects every single thing around you. You can’t function properly. This said, it is also a very difficult task to make the decision to walk away. You think about your children, your extended family and then what people will say. But what I say in all of this is that, ‘Amira, in this matter your wellbeing is the most important factor.’ Once I was able to come to terms with that, I spoke to my husband about it, we came to a truce and I moved on.”
Sule said in the long run it helped them both and today they can relate with eachother with some civility rather than resentment.
Angela Damisa said: “Your partner may not necessarily be a bad person or be mean to you. But you just don’t feel happy in the relationship. Maybe as platonic friends, it would be a wonderful relationship. But when romance comes into it, it’s a different kettle of fish.”
The mother of five added that: “Some people weather it through and are able to develop some kind of feeling which erases their unhappiness. Others develop the tolerance to a certain level and manage the relationship.
“But I don’t think that a relationship that is likely to be a lifelong one is something that should be tolerated or managed.”
Commenting on the issue, the bishop of the Church of Nigeria (Anglican Communion), diocese of Zaria, the Most Reverend Cornelius Bello, said: “marriage is supposed to be a lifelong relationship and nobody should be forced into it. This incident of the 14-year-old should be an eye opener for us all on the dangers of forcing people into unhappy relationships.”
For people is such relationships, the clergyman, who has had to deal with such issues in his years of pastoral service, said “they have a choice to opt out of the union, except where they are not literate enough. If an individual feels dissatisfied or unhappy there is no reason why they should stay on in a relationship and then be forced to do anything drastic to rid themselves of it.”