Why you shouldn’t love one child more than another

“I am a mother of three and I love my children equally. Many people have said you can never love children equally, which is why parents in most cases do have a favourite. I feel pained because as a young child my parents showed more love to my sister than myself. This has, kind of, […]

“I am a mother of three and I love my children equally. Many people have said you can never love children equally, which is why parents in most cases do have a favourite. I feel pained because as a young child my parents showed more love to my sister than myself. This has, kind of, made me feel some sort of resentment towards my parents. 

Loving and caring for children can be very difficult and tasking. Many people believe that because every child has unique traits, it is difficult for parents to love their children equally, meanwhile some think differently. 

Amina Ibrahim, 39-year-old medical personnel, says, “I think loving equally and differently are two different things. You should love them equally but because children have different needs, one might end up loving them differently. My mum has always been protective of me because I am not as fiercely independent and confident as my brother. So she watches out for me more. She always has. However, I am 1000% sure she doesn’t love me more than my brother. Different doesn’t necessarily mean more.”

Ada Okafor, 40-year-old biologist, feels differently as she says some parents are guilty of showing love and preference to one child over the other. “Talking from experience, I come from a family where love was clearly shown to a set of kids. Having different needs was different, but you could clearly see that some children where more favoured and preferred to others. What one child did and got away with, another would do the same and get the beating of his/her life that day.  I have since instances where a mother goes to the extent of telling a child that she didn’t want him/her, that she would have aborted her if not for the father. So I will say parents’ preferential treatment for some kids is a reality.”

Rotimi Olayinka, 39-year-old engineer, says “It really hurts knowing one sibling is preferred over the others; I know because I experienced it. Most parents made or make that mistake on a daily basis. For someone who experienced such treatment, you have to go the extra mile to make sure you don’t do same to your children. Each child is unique and deserves to be loved and made to feel loved. No child is better than the other. I love them equally but there is seniority but I love my three kids the same way I can’t put hatred amongst them. Putting hatred amongst them while they are still kids will leave an everlasting strained relationship between them.” 

Nwanneka Iwuchukwu, 42-year-old teacher, says she only understood and appreciated her parents love when she was much older. “As a little girl I felt my parents hated me because I was meant to do the house chores, got punished for the sins of my younger ones, always drilled academically and so on. I didn’t know my father was training me to be independent because I was the first child. I needed to be an example to my siblings. There were things my sibling did and got away with but I wouldn’t dare. The day my father shed tears because I was denied admission into a prestigious high school was the day I understood his love for me. I believe parents can love their kids equally but differently based on the children’s temperament, needs, capabilities and so on. It is a grave sin for parents to love one kid more than the other.”