Why you shouldn’t rush into marriage

Just because most of your friends are getting married or family members are mounting pressure on you does not call for you to rush into marriage. Although both men and women undergo pressure at certain periods to get married, women are more affected, as in many instances people keep asking, “When are you getting married?”, […]

Just because most of your friends are getting married or family members are mounting pressure on you does not call for you to rush into marriage.

Although both men and women undergo pressure at certain periods to get married, women are more affected, as in many instances people keep asking, “When are you getting married?”, and also say things like, “Age is not on your side”, “All your mates are married”. Should these make you rush into marriage?

Elvis Presley’s timeless line, “Wise men say only fools rush in”, from his hit song,

“I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” still holds today. He said racing to get married was dangerous not just for your relationship, but also your own sanity.

Marriage is the legally or formally recognised union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in most jurisdictions, specifically a union between a man and a woman). Hence most people feel the union between two people who love, respect and want to spend the rest of their lives together is a beautiful experience.

Marriage is described by some people as a long journey that one cannot tell for certain what lies ahead, hence the reason people should look before going into it.

An online platform, The List, states that the worst thing on earth after poverty is ending up in a bad marriage, adding that dealing with a bad spouse drains one emotionally, physically and mentally.

“It destroys your self-esteem and robs you of peace. You become a shadow of yourself if you have the misfortune of marrying the wrong person,” The List added.

Salamatu Umar said she enjoyed life in school and was doing same after her National Diploma (ND) when some of her friends got married and others were getting set to go into it.

She said, “It was then that pressure started coming in from friends and family as to when I would bring a suitor home.

“I was just 23 and in a relationship, but marriage was not the thing on my mind because I was planning to further my education. But the pressure was high and everyone around me, including my married friends, began to choke me with questions. It became the only topic of discussion in the house. ‘Who would you choose to settle down with?’

“At the end of the day, I asked them to give me time. But in truth, I wanted to go to the university, get a degree and become a doctor, not to get married and have children. But my mother convinced me that I could get married and go to school at the same time.”

A banker, Chinenye Okorie, said the question, “When are you getting married?”, did not have any meaning to her.

The 37-year-old Okorie said she could not be rushed into any relationship because of an experience, and added that when the time came, the right suitor would come.

She said she had not known peace since she finished first degree at 26; that her parents wanted her to get married after NYSC, but that the relationship she was into did not work out.

Even the men are affected with the same pressure as most parents see them as the heirs apparent and want them to give them grandchildren before they (grandparents) join their ancestors.

38-year-old Abraham who graduated over 10 years ago and has not had any job, said many people thought something was wrong with him for not getting married, but that he understood himself better.

Abraham said a man was the head of the family and should provide for his household, adding that although his parents were comfortable, he could not rely on them to provide and cater for his (Abraham’s) family.

He said, “My parents and siblings have promised to sponsor my wedding, but it is far beyond wedding. Marriage is a whole lot and something tangible must be in a man’s heart for it to work. I have seen friends who married out of pressure but are not having the best of time. If you cannot provide for your family, there will be no respect and things will go wrong.”

A marriage counsellor in Abuja said single ladies must understand that God’s timing was worth waiting for, and added that with patience, prayer and self-encouragement, the right partner would come.

He further said rushing into marriage had led many into more confusion and problems than they could have imagined, not to talk about how to solve the problems, “Therefore on no grounds should one allow himself/herself to be rushed into marriage just because other people are getting married.”

He added that, “Everything has a divine time, so human beings, especially women, should not follow the trend of, ‘Many are getting married and I must follow.’ Do not bow to pressure from anyone, be self-disciplined and believe in yourself and be well prepared to be independent to be able to become a real wife to your husband when the time comes. Most people putting pressure on you to get married, most of their age mates are dead, why can’t they too rush to die?”