Women-in-uniform walk down tough aisle to marriage

“It cannot happen to me because I have been praying to God… I believe that before they join the force, they have this popular saying in the force that you use what you have to get what you want. If at all I’m to marry one, I will sit her down, explain my reasons. And […]

“It cannot happen to me because I have been praying to God… I believe that before they join the force, they have this popular saying in the force that you use what you have to get what you want. If at all I’m to marry one, I will sit her down, explain my reasons. And if she wants the wedding plans to continue, she will have to quit the job. But if she refuses it will be better for me to leave her because I do not want a situation where there will be no trust in our marriage,” Ola told Sunday Trust.

Women-in-uniform’s experience position

Maria Joseph, a constable serving with the Nigerian Police Force in Lagos State said, “It is not getting married that matters but who are the men that really want to settle down. When a man approaches you, he may just want to play with you and leave because he feels that if you marry him you will boss over him and that makes him feel threatened,” she said.

Zainab Akanji who works for the Federal Road Safety Commission (FRSC) stated that she was once married but separated from her husband because of his objection to her job.

“When we got married he knew that I was working but he changed after our first child was born, complaining that I should give more time to our home and child, especially,” she said.

She added that even when she opted to have a house help who would take care of the child, her husband objected to it, saying, “his mother did not do any job and she raised the six of them without problems.”

She said her husband did not welcome patrols, as he said that the dangers they encounter daily are more than enough to make a man feel insecure.

She noted that many men felt that their wives might indulge in extra-marital affairs.

“How can you say or tell your husband that you are still doing some work even after everybody has left office? How do you think your husband will react to that,” she asked rhetorically.

However, Justina Bala, who is serving with the Nigerian Army in Lagos, does not believe in what ladies in uniform say. “When it is your time to get married, God will send a husband, a man that is for you,” Bala maintained.

She said though marriage is from God, it is also the attitude of some ladies in uniform that scares away suitors because they show lack of understanding at times and they believe that they are above certain standards set by men.

She, however, called on men who have a heart to love and marry such  women to approach them, especially for marriage, as most of them are “marriage materials” who can keep their homes intact as well as assist in providing for the family.

How civilians regard uniform women in uniform

The general feeling about women in uniform is that they are not submissive in marriage and should therefore, be avoided. Many believe that any man who marries a military woman puts himself in trouble.

It is said that these women can be strong headed and wicked. But the seeming tough attitude may have been developed from the training given to them right from the camp. There, they are taught to be rugged and resilient and this has become their way of life.

Mr Babafemi Adedoye, a businessman said, “I cannot marry a uniformed woman because of the nature of their job. They don’t have much time to take care of the family. The nature of their job could influence their character. They need to be tough so that they can handle criminals. So it is their way of performing their job.”  

But Usman Hussain who has been in the tailoring business for five years has a different opinion. He contends that individual traits matter in character. “I can marry any uniform woman. There is no difference between uniform women and other women. I can marry them as far as there is love, trust and understanding. I can marry a uniform woman and I do not care about her job”, Hussain expressed.

Prince Okeke, a trader in Zuba, holds a similar view. “I can marry a uniform woman if she is a good person,” he stated.

Interestingly, a male military officer and some para-military officers wed at their own instance, though with minimal conditions in some cases.

While female officers and other ranks in the Nigeria Immigration Service and the Customs are free to marry any man of their choice including fellow serving officers and men from the same organization or other sister organizations without any sanctions, female soldiers and commissioned female military officers and their colleagues in the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA), the Department of State Services otherwise known as SSS and the police are sanctioned over marriages.

A senior officer of the Nigerian Navy who pleaded anonymity, told Sunday Trust in Abuja that in the Army, Navy and the Air Force, no serving commissioned officer either male or female, is allowed to marry the opposite sex among the other ranks. He said while a male officer or soldier is allowed to marry a civilian at will, the female officers and other ranks can only marry after putting in at least three years in service and must apply and get the written approval of their commanders before they can marry.

“A soldier is allowed to marry a soldier just as a commissioned officer is allowed to marry a fellow commissioned officer. But even at that, they must apply and get permission and such marriages must be published in the part 2 or part 3 order before they can become legal. If a commissioned male officer or a male soldier is getting married outside the military to a civilian lady or a para-military lady, he can do so at any stage of his service in the military. But the female officers and female soldiers must wait for at least three years after their enlistment into the army, navy or air force before they can talk of marriage.

“I am not sure that is done to punish the female in the military. It is done for security reasons. You know, the military is a sensitive profession, so unauthorised persons are not allowed to tap any sensitive information from it. “That is why when soldiers go on peace keeping missions abroad and return with foreign ladies, they are not allowed to take them to the barracks. They must keep such women outside the barracks. It is also for discipline that we do not allow the other ranks to marry officers,” the source explained.

A senior police officer who also pleaded that her name should not be mentioned, said it is the same procedure applied in the case of marriages among serving police officers, the other ranks and across the ranks. She said the officers cannot marry the other ranks and female officers and men must serve for not less than three years before they can apply and get permission to marry anyone even if the husband is a civilian or from the other forces.  

“When a female police officer or a woman police applies for approval to marry, such approvals are not given automatically just because she has served for three or more years. First, the authority must investigate and find out who the man she wants to marry is. His biography and every other information about him must be collated and screened. This is to ensure that she does not marry a person with criminal records or questionable character. Where a woman police presents a convicted armed robber as her proposed husband for example, she will not be allowed to marry him. She must either drop him or resign from the force.

“This is to guard against a police woman marrying a criminal. You know, women are generally of weaker minds. The fear is if a woman police marries a criminal, she may always like to shield the husband from any arrest and probably release information to him consciously or unconsciously that could assist him in one way or the other to evade arrest or in the committal of crime,” the source said.

NDLEA is tough

The system is not different in the NDLEA as recently, a female operative of the agency, Francisca Udeoji Tochukwu was sacked from the service for allegedly refusing to comply with the agency’s regulations on marriage and single parentage. Francisca had earlier applied to the agency for permission to marry one Mr Osundu Enwereuzor, a staff of the Niger Delta Development Commission, Abuja Liaison office but was not allowed over what the NDLEA termed security risk. The agency said it had documents proving that Francisca’s fiancé was a deportee from Spain over drug related charges. 

The agency therefore, disapproved her request to marry Enwereuzor. But Francisca proceeded to get pregnant for him. The agency therefore, charged her under the single parentage rule, contrary to and punishable under paragraph 12.8 (ii) of the NDLEA regulation 2001 (as amended).  The request by the officer to proceed on maternity leave as a single parent was disapproved. Part 12 (8)(ii) of the NDLEA regulations provides that no female staff who has served for less than four years shall be allowed to be a single parent.

After undergoing administrative disciplinary procedures through the Senior Staff Disciplinary Committee, Francisca was found guilty and her appointment was subsequently terminated as provided by the regulation.

The immigration way

But retired Deputy Comptroller of Immigration, Alhaji Haruna Buhari Jega, said the Immigration service does not have any such written laws or enactments sanctioning female officers from getting married to their desired men.

“A female Immigration officer just like her male counterparts can marry any reasonable person she so desires to marry at will. Such husbands could be within the service or outside the service irrespective of their ranks. A junior female can marry a senior Immigration officer. The most important thing is that both of them must conduct themselves as officers and subordinate in the office and husband and wife at home. I think the high level of education of Immigration officers and our close contact with foreigners make us to be very sociable,” he said.

How police do it

The Police Force Public Relations Officer, ACP Emmanuel Ojukwu, said policewomen are not restricted from marrying certain people in the society provided those people  are not of questionable character.

“Policewomen can marry any men of their choice but they have to inform the authorities of their intention and provide them with the details of the would-be spouse. The police will then ascertain that the man is not a mischief maker or has evidence of anti-social attitudes. Once the man is found to be innocent, the marriage can be contracted,” he said.

He said the essence is to discourage policewomen from associating with criminals in the society. But the FPRO said married women will not be allowed to be enlisted into the police force as the rule provide. This is because the police does not have the details of the couple nor do they have the knowledge of what reasons pushed the women to want to join the force. The men will also be made to understand the duties and peculiarities of police service before marriage.

Speaking on welfare, he said policewomen are given duties that will not threaten their health status perhaps, due to the delicate nature of the woman’s body. Those who are pregnant close from work early and are assigned jobs that will not threaten the pregnancy. They can also apply for maternity leave as applicable in the civil service and such leaves are immediately approved. Those in lactation are usually given time to feed their young ones.  

He said women play important roles in crime detection and investigations and make up to 30 per cent of the force.

A policewoman Inspector married to a civil servant said women police encounter difficulties only when their husbands express dissatisfaction with the work or their superior officers refuse to allow them to handle lighter duties. “Once your husband begins to show signs of tension in him due to the fact that you close late or you don’t have time to attend to domestic issues, certainly there is a problem. I have seen so many policewomen who quit police work because their husbands complained a lot. Now, one of them who should have been a superintendent works as a cleaner in the Federal Secretariat in Abuja, because her husband is late and she had to look for means of livelihood,” she said.

She said married police women also encounter problems when their superiors are so strict and they treat them like men or unmarried women. She said most married women officers do not like night duty and will want to close early.

Another senior woman officer said she got married to a business man over 10 years ago and has not encountered problems with him because before the marriage, he learnt much about police work.