Would you accept a pre-arranged marriage?

The idea of promising to spend one’s entire life with another person comes with mixed feelings, but when the right pair cross paths, the result can be wonderful.   In the past, the choice of whom one married was influenced by tradition. Although parents may have a large role to play in the marital life […]

The idea of promising to spend one’s entire life with another person comes with mixed feelings, but when the right pair cross paths, the result can be wonderful.

 

In the past, the choice of whom one married was influenced by tradition. Although parents may have a large role to play in the marital life of their children, most young people would prefer a spouse chosen by themselves.

But what is ‘arranged’ marriage? Arranged marriage is a marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a person’s parents rather than by each other and it was common worldwide until the 18th Century. During those days, the parents were considered to be responsible for selecting a wife for their son and a husband for their daughter.

Arranged marriage takes the feelings and thoughts of the woman and man into consideration and the final choice is hers and his. Some societies still practice this norm till date. LifeXtra got interesting but different views from respondents on the issue.

Odeh Emmanuel, an undergraduate, is of the view that parents shouldn’t pre-arrange spouses for their children “because we are in the 21st Century and things have changed. I believe most of our parents’ marriages were arranged and back in those days it wasn’t a problem as most of them had little or no idea what love was all about, contrary to what we have these days where young people mostly marry for love.”

“For example, I honestly don’t see myself marrying someone I don’t know, not to talk of someone I don’t have feelings for,” he added.

Edor Martha, a Makurdi resident, sees absolutely nothing wrong with a pre-arranged marriage, with one’s parents choosing a partner for him or her.

She adds that nothing compares to a parent’s love for his child because they wouldn’t choose what is bad for their children.

“Personally, I respect my parents and have it at the back of my mind that they would not choose anything that would harm or destroy my life. Considering choosing a life partner for me, honestly I don’t see it as something to get upset about.”

Ogechi Offor, an undergraduate in her early 20s, despises the idea of parents of a pre-arranged marriage.

She explains that things have changed and people now marry based on love: “Why would my parents pick my husband for me, for what? There is no way I will let that happen. They can’t choose for me now because the way things were done back then is different from now. We are in the 21st Century.”

Lami Jonathan, a mother of two, observed that in some cases, people whose parents picked spouses for tended to be happier than those who met and fell in love themselves.

She called on women to accept the choice of their parents as it pays off eventually: “I would choose a husband for my daughter because as her mother, I am in the best position to know what is good for her. But for my son, I won’t choose a wife for him rather I will just guide him through getting a decent and good wife.”

A respondent who simply gave her name as Crystal says she doesn’t care if her marriage is pre-arranged. Whatever the case maybe, she is good to go with their decision.

“I don’t see anything wrong with it because I feel that since my parents are older and wiser, they are doing that because they want the best for me,” she told LifeXtra.

“One thing I believe is that love grows. If I marry a man I don’t love, I know I will grow to love him as time goes by. I suggest people should just pray to God for a good partner, focus on being the right man or woman and trust me everything will fall into place. I have seen countless people who got married for love but just a few years later, everything came crumbling.”