Would you allow third party interference in your marital issues?

Marriage is the coming together of two mature individuals who promise to spend the rest of their lives together through thick and thin. But when marital issues arise, would you welcome opinions from a third party or settle matters between yourselves? LifeXtra takes a look. In Nigeria, marriages are contracted in their own styles and […]

Marriage is the coming together of two mature individuals who promise to spend the rest of their lives together through thick and thin. But when marital issues arise, would you welcome opinions from a third party or settle matters between yourselves? LifeXtra takes a look.

In Nigeria, marriages are contracted in their own styles and come with different ‘baggage’ – be it upbringing, socio-ethnic background, educational status, religious/cultural issues, et al. Hence it is not just a union between two people but also between two families.

Now, due to certain factors, most couples find themselves accommodating other people in their home – friends, in-laws, and parents. This extra company is known as ‘third party’. In a recent discussion with a friend, this issue came up and she said, “Why could anyone ever think of going to a third party at all in resolving your marital issues?”

She then added that couples are in the best position to know what to do to resolve their differences.

Although third party interference can help in some aspects, depending on who and the kind of challenges facing the couple, most people believe that couples should be able to sort out their problems without getting any other person involved.

So we posed the question: “Would you allow third parties interfere when you have an issue with your spouse?”

Self-employed Jos-based Pat Steve responded with an emphatic NO.  Her reason is that the friend you tell about your husband may have a worse challenge in her own home.

“The third party may give a wrong advice and this could spoil your marriage. In the past, it could be accepted but not anymore. This is why it is always good for women to be mindful of whom they share their problems with. Not all friends mean well for you,” she added.

“When my husband and I courted and made our vows, there was no third party. God was our only third party because he is the originator of marriage,” say Lami Jonathan, a mother of two.

“In fact, some friends who live with a couple are just there to destroy their homes.”

Citing the example of young couple whose husband’s friend has been living with for a year now, she said, “He doesn’t do anything in the house except eating, sleeping, and then when he feels like, goes out and comes back at will.”

“But whenever there is a little misunderstanding, he will interfere uninvited. And this further heightens the tension between the couple. This is what happens when you allow someone who lives with you go beyond his boundaries.”

She added, “I won’t let that happen. I would firmly warn you to mind yourself and stick your nose where it belongs.”

Idongesit Ekanem, a professional photographer, says third party interference in a marriage is wrong, but being Africans, there are some issues that will need the interference of parents, religious leaders, or the couple’s role models.

“For me, couples should love, tolerate and try to understand themselves enough not to bring in a third party in their marriage. However, there was a time I had a problem with my wife, and my mother-in-law waded in and resolved our problem by advising my wife.

“She advised us against taking our problems to friends who barely know more than we do. This is an exceptional case anyways. I, however, frown at meddlesome third parties. These are people who want to poke nose into your affairs uninvited. They always look out for quarrels between spouses and try to act as mediators. In actual case, they are the architects of your problem, and then turn around to offer unsolicited intervention/advice.”