Would you let your parents choose your partner for you?

Looking back to some decades, arranged marriage was a common tradition in various societies. Arranged marriage is a marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a person’s parents rather than by each other and it was common worldwide until 18th century. During those days, the parents were considered to be responsible for […]

Looking back to some decades, arranged marriage was a common tradition in various societies. Arranged marriage is a marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a person’s parents rather than by each other and it was common worldwide until 18th century. During those days, the parents were considered to be responsible for selecting a wife for their son and a husband for their daughter. Today, things have changed drastically; individuals find and select their own spouses without parents interfering. Nonetheless, some societies still practice this norm till date. Weekly Trust got interesting but different views from respondents on the issue.
Ramlatu Ahmed, a medical student in her mid-20s, is of the view that parents shouldn’t select spouses for their children because we are in the 21st century and things have changed: “I believe most of our parents’ marriages were arranged and back in those days it wasn’t a problem as most of them had little or no idea what love was all about, contrary to that, young people of nowadays mostly marry for love’s sake. For example, I honestly don’t see myself marrying someone I don’t know, not to talk of someone I don’t have feelings for. I won’t let my parents select a husband for me whatsoever. I am old enough to choose the man I think is best for me. All I need from them is to bless my marriage and accept the man I choose as their son in-law.”
Muhammed Nuruddeen, a 30-year-old civil servant, sees absolutely nothing wrong with one’s parents choosing a partner for him or her. He added that nothing compares to a parent’s love for his child and therefore they wouldn’t choose what is bad for their children. “Personally, I respect my parents and having it at the back of my mind that they would not choose anything that would harm or destroy my life. Considering choosing a life partner for me, honestly I don’t see it as something to get upset about. It has been revealed in our religion and it states in the holy Qu’ran that we should obey our parents no matter the situation except if what they are demanding is against the teachings of our Prophet and Islam,” he argued.
Nuruddeen added that his parents chose his wife for him even though he had no feelings for her then but today he is proud to call her the mother of his kids. Luckily for him, his wife is the best woman any man could wish for and he is glad he went with his parents’ choice, as he believes the choice is nothing but a blessing.
Ogechi Ugunna, an undergraduate in her early 20s despises the idea of parents choosing a partner for their children. She explains that things have changed and people now marry based on love: “Why would my parents pick my husband for me, for what? There is no way I will let that happen, if their parents chose for them, they can’t choose for me now because the way things were done back then is different from now. For crying out loud this is the 21st century.”
Halima Ahmed, a businesswoman in her early 30s does not mind her parents picking a husband for her. She met her husband through her parents and she has been happily married to him for almost 10 years now with two beautiful kids. “When I graduated from the university and was ready to settle down, I presented my suitor that I dated for more than four years to my parents but surprisingly, they didn’t accept him for some reasons which I quite agreed with. To cut the story short, I left the guy and accepted my parents’ choice, which as at then I didn’t even know who the guy was. I tried consoling myself and kept on telling myself that my parents love me and wouldn’t hook me up with a man that will destroy my life. To an extent, their stand could be of great help especially when one is about to make a great mistake without realising because in most cases, the child involved doesn’t see the danger ahead as the person is blinded by love.”
Ahmed observed that in some cases, people whose parents picked spouses for tended to be happier than those who met and fell in love themselves. She called on women to accept the choice of their parents as it pays off eventually: “I would choose a husband for my daughter because as her mother, I am in the best position to know what is good for her. But for my son, I won’t choose a wife for him rather I will just guide him through getting a decent good wife.”
Christine Fabiyi, a 23-year-old law student, says she doesn’t care if her parents pick a husband for her. Whatever the case maybe, she is good to go with their decision: “I am presently single and I still have a couple of more years to round up my education. However, when the time comes for me to settle down, if I have a responsible suitor, I’ll go for him otherwise I will be fine with my parents choosing a spouse for me. I believe in destiny and that it can’t be changed, it can only be delayed. God has already chosen my husband for me, it doesn’t matter if he comes through my parents or not. One thing I believe is love grows. If I marry a man I don’t love I know I will grow to love him as time goes by. I suggest people should just pray to God for a good partner, focus on being the right man or woman and trust me everything will fall into place. I have seen countless people who got married for love but just a few years later, everything came crumbling down.”