Would you reveal your past to your future partner?

Have you ever wondered how much of your past romantic life you need to reveal in a courtship as the relationship gets more serious with marriage on the horizon? Past relationships can be a sensitive topic to discuss with your future partner. Being open and honest about yourself lays the foundation for a stable and […]

Have you ever wondered how much of your past romantic life you need to reveal in a courtship as the relationship gets more serious with marriage on the horizon? Past relationships can be a sensitive topic to discuss with your future partner. Being open and honest about yourself lays the foundation for a stable and healthy relationship built on trust on the one hand, but on the other, going into vivid details about your romantic past may seem awkward and may be seen as opening the Pandora’s Box, thereby revealing too much information. But some people are haunted by their past and as such, are scared of revealing it to their future partner for fear of rejection. This has been a bone of contention, even among friends.
Isah Halirat, a 24-year-old graduate, said she would, but it would only be the important ones because “some past may live to haunt you in the nearest future.”
But to OloriOluwa Rhoda believes it depends on the kind of person her partner is: “Before I reveal much I must have studied him to know the kind of person he is, but I won’t tell all.”
Concurring with Rhoda, Yetty Ariyibi said she could: “But I may decide not to tell it all, depending on the kind of person he is. Like they always say, some things are best left unsaid. Telling it all may sometimes be used against you in the future.’’
Mary Dymphna Okonta, a student, also said it would depend on the kind of person she perceives her fiancé to be: “If he is the type that can hold his water from bursting out, I will let him know, but if otherwise, I will simply tell him what he wants to hear.’’
Yetunde Ajayi Ojo, a married woman, said that first of all, she would find out if he could bear it: “I’ll tell him, if only he can bear it. And my second answer is no because I know that men cannot bear certain issues, especially a lady’s past. So some things are better left unsaid. It’s better to let the sleeping dogs lie.”
Ilori Henry Colin Olusegun, a 44-year-old technical director and resident vegerinarian said: “I will reveal my past, depending on how far I know she can handle it. Whatever I know she can’t handle, I won’t even raise it, let alone discussing it. Some things are better left out so as to avoid some troubles you can’t sort out sooner than expected.”
Many more respondents were still of the opinion that it is better to reveal their past to their fiancées as this would help to build their partner’s trust in them. Taofik Rotimi, a student in his mid 20s said: “Yes, it is better you tell it yourself than let your partner hear it from another source. But I believe the past should remain in the past.’’
Anu Otunye, who is in her early 30s, was of the opinion that if they are aware of what the dating and marriage relationship is, they would know what to do and when to do it. “Always tell the whole truth. There’s no place for secrecy or deceit of any kind in marriage. Tell each other everything always,” she advised.
James Ademuyiwa, a 23-year-old student of Moshood Abiola Polytechnic, Abeokuta, Ogun State, stated that he would: “But it’s not going to be on her request because I believe that giving tutorials on my past will not change anything. What matters most is the present and the preparation for the future together. She would only know about my past in the cause of our relationship.”
Samuel Ezenobie, a sales representative in his early 30s, says: “Yes I will. It is better she hears it from me than from someone else. More so, it will build her trust in me.”
An applicant, Paul Gadzama, concurred with Ezenobie. “Because she’s supposed to spend the rest of her life with me, I guess she deserves to know all there is to know about me,’’ he said.
“Of course, I revealed all my past to my wife while we were still dating, simply because I didn’t really have much to hide,” Sode Mohammed said. “Moreover, if I had the opportunity to rewrite history, I would do same.”